The triumphant return of a gringa to Ecuador

I have returned! To the country of love. My love, at least, and I have been reunited with Raul, after many (three) months of separation. I have been here for two weeks. The time has passed quickly, but not much has happened. I have spent a lot of time at the grocery store, because shopping for your own food and figuring out how to cook on a regular basis is a lot harder than it looks.
We made a little trip to Salinas this past weekend, and had a lot of fun. It was too cold to actually be out on the beach in a bathing suit - I actually had to buy a jacket - but it was nice to people watch and look out at the peaceful ocean. Actually, the ocean was not very peaceful, but it was still nice to look at because so much was happening all at once. People were going whale watching, renting jet skis, selling jewelry/sunglasses/tattoos/lamps/crafty things/coconuts/ice cream/shells/etc., swimming, hitting people with boats, falling off big floating bananas, and fishing. Definitely not the outer banks.
They call Salinas the "little Miami" of Ecuador.

Went out for some drinks Saturday night, came back and drank some more with Raul's aunt, uncle, and their friends.


I've been going running every day in our neighborhood. I found an amazing hill that I can only run up half way before I have to walk the rest. It's quite steep and a lot higher than it looks. I take our dog, Aquiles, who is very good at running in a zig zag formation in front of me so that I get a little bit of an extra work out by dodging him and then steering him to the side.

I am still waiting on a job ... hopefully that will happen this week, but I'm not sure what the dynamic will be with my friends and sister visiting for three weeks.

Oh shit - my bank account is in the red. I thought I was all caught up, but I guess I never will be. I'm not sure what to do about it. I have about $100 in cash that I can deposit tomorrow, but I don't know if that will be enough. My credit card payment finally went through and caught me by surprise I guess.
I've been looking at Hunter's facebook a lot recently. He's back on face book after a long period of inactivity. It is shocking how much you can reveal about yourself just by getting on face book. He has an Android phone, he's doing MMA fighting at a nearby gym, he's taking classes at NOVA and apparently actually making an effort to pass them. He's hitting the gym a lot, working a lot, and quite frankly I'm almost impressed. Almost, because who knows how long this will last.

Tonight is ZTA's formal, and obviously since I have a boyfriend but he's in another country, I am left to scramble. Not to mention, I have no money, so not only do I feel guilty about buying tickets in the first place, I'm wondering why I ever thought it would be a good idea to buy two, and on top of that, I can't even have fun getting ready because I can't get my nails done, buy a pretty dress, shop for jewelry, or get new shoes to go with said dress.
At least I can take a shower and shave ... that's always free.
Both of my sisters are going on their own dates tonight, my girlfriends are either already going (obviously), or can't make it, and of the guys that I know, it would either be awkward or inappropriate or they would just be out of place or they are working(e.g., Hunter would be extraordinarily inappropriate, anyone from work would be weird/I guess I really don't have friends at Rio/I would feel terribly desperate). Of all the other people I know - some have girlfriends that wouldn't like it, some would just be out of place ... I guess I'm incredibly picky?
So now I'm going with some random Delta Chi ... woo hoo ... at least the drinks are only $4.
And I don't really like my dress. And I don't have shoes to wear with it. And my nails are terrible and my ends are split and I have no makeup and no sisters here to help me and I have class so I can't get ready with anyone who's going.... life is so hard.

I discovered that greek life on college campuses across the nation has a entire language used to describe themselves. I learned this language last night while reading a website called totalfratmove.com. Similiar to the FML and MLIA websites, this website allows all my fellow greek system members to post stories and comments about how well they fit the fraternity and sorority mold. It is mildly amusing, I will admit, but only as long as you don't take it too seriously - because as soon as you do, it makes you extremely ashamed at how stuck up, self centered, and materialistic many college greeks can be.
TFM - total frat move
TSM - total sorority move
GDI - god damn independent
sorostitute - sorority prostitute - the girl who sleeps with everyone
fratdaddy - I'm guessing this is something like a pimp daddy? baby daddy?
walk of shame - when you have to walk out of the bedroom the next morning in front of the whole house
slampiece - the girl you are having sex with but who you would never consider as a girlfriend - presumably because she's such a slut

I mean - these are incredibly offensive. Frat guys are proud of being assholes, dicks, but never douches? They are in a brotherhood that promotes manliness and good conduct, but then they also have "slampieces"? They are concerned with success, having a good job, following in their father's footsteps, all good qualities - but they get to the top by putting people beneath them. They expect those beneath them to "clean up after them for the rest of their lives". Wives to them are trophy wives. As for the girls - they "can't stop looking at themselves in the windows of buildings" as they pass by, and when they are complimented by other women about how pretty they are, they say they are sick of hearing it because they already know, and the other women will never be as pretty.
All of this they think is funny, and they are proud of it. Not all greeks are like this, I promise. But no wonder we have so many haters! Attitudes like the ones on this site make me very much not proud to be part of the college greek system.
What ever happened to honor, loyalty, trust, LOVE???

It's 1:23 pm and I am still in bed and I don't want to get out of it. I have homework to do, and errands to run, but I don't want to do any of it. I have work at 5:30 and that might be the only thing I do today. I think that is so depressing. I woke up at 11:40 today, had some toast, frozen raspberries, and coffee, and watched House. I wish I could just watch tv all the time. It's an alternate universe that's so much more exciting than mine.
It's raining outside, too, and cold, which makes the day that much harder to get started. I just love my bed. If only there was a boy that I loved in here with me, the day would be perfect.
Speaking of boys that I love, I have been texting Hunter about seeing Harry Potter. He suggested that he buy me dinner, we see the midnight showing, and then relax on a bottle of wine afterwards. As much as that was sarcastic, I actually would love to do that and really wish that we could. How long will it take me to get over this boy? It took me a good two years to get over Curtis, so I guess I have another year and a half to go with Hunter. I just keep thinking that I'll spend my whole life regretting that I'm not with him.
At the same time - I know how he thinks, I know that he knows that I still want to be with him. I watched how it was with Grace when we were first together. He had her over one night and slept with her, and he said that she was so happy and thought that they were getting back together, but he just felt bad that he had cheated on me - he wants love in his life, and someone to love, but it's not going to be me. Maybe for a day or a week, but it won't last, because nothing fundamental has changed.
Why isn't he a good guy? Why did life have to be so unfair to him? He is such an amazing person and I want to be with him so badly. Damn this chemistry, this unexplainable feeling.

Some thoughts, in my coffee and banana bread induced sugar high at 3 pm because that's all I've eaten today.
I was walking through campus at GMU today and I noticed three people: two of them were "geeks" talking rather vehemently about some sort of computer video game subject matter. Their voices were raised not because they were angry but because they were excited, and trying to out talk each other (I suppose?). The third person was a girl running up some steps wearing a long denim skirt and a very modest sweater, with very long, plain hair. We all know that stereotype. Homeschooled and very baptist, poor thing.
But, here is why I noticed them, and why I was thinking about them. They are obviously comfortable in their image. They have an identity. They know exactly who to be friends with, exactly how to behave, where to go, what to do, how to talk, what to read, what to do on certain days of the week. They stand out from everyone else because they have an all consuming passion that takes over their lives. The boys have computers and video games. The girl has her church and God and equally conservative family.
I would almost rather be one of those people, than who I am. Because I don't know who I am. I would rather be openly mocked by the majority of society, but have a niche support system, than be aimlessly floating around with no real identity, like I am now.
What is my all consuming passion? I'm not a sorority girl, I'm not an athlete, I'm not an academic, I'm not a conservative evangelical God loving Jesus freak church going whatever you want to call it. Doctor? Lawyer? Artist? Politician, activist ... I mean, I guess I could be a humanitarian, but that seems so vague to me. It's like being a missionary. What the hell do missionaries even do?

Why would you not tip your server? I mean seriously ... what do you think I'm doing? Nothing? Do you think that just because it's lunchtime I somehow do less work for you? Are you seriously going to order some complicated ass shit and then tip me 15%? And also, what difference does one dollar make to you? Just leave it for me, because it makes a difference to me. Your change is $7 in cash and you're honestly going to take a one dollar bill out of that book and put it back in your wallet - just leave it in there you mother fucking tight wad. And also - $4 on a $26 bill? It's one god damn dollar we're talking about here, ONE, that's all I ask for, it makes a difference. And I bought you dessert you cock sucker. I know that this can be turned around, and maybe I shouldn't care about a dollar here and a dollar there - but it adds up, especially when I'm here all day. Do you not have friends? Do you hate yourself? Why are you taking it out on me?
It's so mind boggling to me when people go out to eat and don't tip their server the way they are supposed to. I'm bringing you food, that you put in your body. I am bringing you drinks, straws, napkins, silverware. If you think about it, when you go out to eat, you put a lot of trust in the person bringing you your food. Why would you stiff them? Why would you choose that moment to bring out your cheapest side? Do you realize what they could do to your food?
I'm generally a pretty honest person who wants to help people, but honestly, I get so angry when I'm waiting tables. It comes out in the little things. Like when I'm roling silver, thinking about how shitty people are, and some forks fall on the ground - the ground that has trash, raw meat, shoes, old food, rotting vegetables, all over it - yeah, those forks are not getting washed again. Nope. Why would I give a fuck. Don't be shitty to the people who are serving you, it's literally the stupidest thing you can do.